Many of us know that astrology isn’t just our sun signs. Or that we have an entire natal chart, with all the planets in it and an entire web of transits that encode a wealth of information about ourselves, our personalities, and our destinies.
Also important to astrology are astrological transits, which occur when celestial bodies cross important points where planets were when we were born.
Transits provide what some people call the predictive part of astrology.
When we have to be careful is when we see something ahead in transits that we really, really want. Or, perhaps, that we’re really, really afraid of.
We can upend our whole lives believing that because there’s a whole line of strong transits suggesting a certain outcome, it’s definitely going to happen.
We can get so lost in wishes and dreams (or fears) of a certain outcome that we start ignoring reality.
That’s why it’s important to remain grounded in reality when you explore astrology. Below, I share a personal story about how assumptions about astrology affected my ability to resolve emotions connected to a broken relationship.
Why you need to be careful making plans based on astrology
The story of me and a certain married man goes on for many years in transits to our natal charts.
The relationship is over. It happened. He dumped me, and then we spoke again one final time five years ago.
This was all in our transits, by the way.
I have maintained a website for several years, and thanks to trackers and website analytics, I have noticed this guy lurking. For many years, someone answering a specific view pattern and living in a specific area would show up every few days on my blog and read things I’d posted. Even on Christmas.
I noticed this and posted him a personal note or two. When I did this, I would see that the person would come and read it over and over again, so I had little doubt it was him.
I, unfortunately, was (in this case) cursed with the ability to read ahead in transits. Among my chart, his chart, and that of his wife’s, I could see a series of related transits that reflect a breakup on their side.
And, subsequently, a happy relationship in both of our charts, all correlated like a perfectly choreographed dance, in a time frame from now through the next three years.
Sad to say, the past few years have been tough for me, and I have kept myself going through hope.
We cannot accurately guess the specific meanings and outcomes of transits
Assuming something will happen just because you see a bunch of big transits for it coming up can be a big mistake.
The reason? We can’t forget to look at reality.
At this point, there’s actually a big fork in the transits everyone has. It’s clearest in his chart: Either he stays, or he goes.
When we really want something, or sometimes when we really dread something, we can get so overfocused on that leg of transits we see coming that we don’t ask that Huge, Reality-Testing Question:
Does any of this sound like me? (Or, in this case, him?)
In this case, the answer is no.
For years and years, this guy hung around on my website, falsely giving me hope. However, even when I left him a message, nothing else would follow.
Finally, I penned a post I called, “Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye,” in which I asked him why he was still hanging around.
Apparently, he was never going to speak, and he had decided to stay in his marriage, so instead of hanging around reading things I wrote, why not choose his marriage fully, and be completely present in that?
Wasn’t that better than mooning around someone he was never going to actually speak to ever again?
And it certainly would be better for me. Why watch this guy anymore? We’d never see each other or even speak to each other ever again, so what was the point?
What followed was amusing.
Someone came on, read that, went back and forth and back and forth between this and a previous post I had made, and then came back the next night and stayed up all night reading old posts I’d made years before that he hadn’t read yet.
This, too, was in our transits.
And then, over the past few months, that person’s visits have precipitously declined and dropped off.
I last saw him on there about a week ago. I honestly don’t expect I will see him anymore, and I believe he will be taking the “stay with his family” leg of transits.
Why? You recall that when using astrology, and tarot, and any other such discipline, you have to look at reality. And you have to be honest about it.
Does a person who doesn’t come around much anymore sound like someone I will be hearing from next summer?
Does a person who had an affair eight years ago ever suddenly leave their marriage and go back to that person?
No. In fact, the number of people who actually leave their marriage for the other person at the time of the affair is vanishingly small, and the number of people for whom those second relationships work out is smaller still.
The fact is, this person gives me no indication at all that he even thinks about me anymore these days. He gives every indication of someone for whom the affair is finally over, and who will die an old man in the bosom of his family. Whether his marriage worked out happily or not.
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I also have to look at this person’s basic attitude. I work hard on my problems and I devour books on codependency, childhood issues, and relationships. This person is allergic to all such work and shies away from it because he finds it “depressing.”
Does this sound like anyone who will do the hard work to either insist that a distant, difficult marriage be addressed, or leave if it isn’t? Especially when he’s a codependent who will just fall apart if people criticize him or ostracize him?
The guy is 64. Who makes a huge about-face that late in life?
No one. At this age, people are set in their ways and afraid of change. Especially when they have been set in their ways and afraid of change their whole lives!
If I fixate on the outcome I wanted, and believe it will happen despite all earthly evidence to the contrary, I will end up very sad, disappointed, and badly let down. And it will prevent me from doing the best I can in the reality I am actually living.
Astrology can be a double-edged sword.
Although expecting I would hear from him again five years ago helped me do my research and make the healthiest decision then, expecting to hear from him again now is just going to lead me down a garden path of fantasy toward a huge and terrible disappointment in the next three years, if I continue to do that today.
This isn’t a person who’s showing me he will do anything of this sort.
Astrology, tarot, and other occult disciplines actually do have much to offer us.
The catch is, we need to use them with a little wisdom and common sense.
P.D. Reader is a level one NCGR astrologer student. She runs Unfaithful: Perspectives on the Third Party Relationship on Medium. Her book can be found here.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.